i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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