i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
