they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
