what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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