The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
