You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
