can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
