I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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