Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
