Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I think people are normalizing furries
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
