So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
