I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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