i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
