remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
