I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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