We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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