Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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