Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
