We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
