Can Purell be used as lube?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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