Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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