There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
