Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
