dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
