Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
