Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
