i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
