i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
