We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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