Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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