One girl and one boy is just not enough.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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