I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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