You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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