her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
