If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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