he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
