please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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