Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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