my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
