I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
