sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
