I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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