we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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