If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
