I'm so fucking centered right now
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
