I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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