you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
