I will die if light touches me.
Michael Bay diarrhea
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
