I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
