wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
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