if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
